Red with Envy

"Green with envy." Am I missing something here? Why would someone seething with jealousy be green? After arduous attempts to research the origin of this ridiculous and commonly used saying, (alright, alright I typed the quote into a search engine and barely made it to page two of Google's results), I have found only one possible reason for associating the color green with the suffocating emotion of envy.

Faux-history lesson alert: A few thousand years ago, when the young King Tut was still Egyptian walking his way to fame, the common folk used the color green to describe someone who was sick with illness or jealousy. They believed that when these feelings came on, the body would produce bile that caused the skin to actually tint a shade of green... They also used a giant hook to pull the brain out through the nose of a dead compadre, so lets get real ancient history. All I see when that nasty feeling of resentment takes over is red. I am overcome by a blazing-hot, burn-to-the-touch sea of ruby red that blocks all common sense and reasoning abilities. If I could make the final decision, and good for me that here I am able to hold such a high-ranking positon, I would forever and always change that saying to "fiery red with envy."

Lets get one thing straight... throughout my life I have been very fortunate. I have never really wanted without receiving, and for that I could not be more thankful. I have an incredible family, a supportive and hilarious group of friends, and the physical abilities to make my life anything I want it to be. With that being said, this is my place to complain so put the judgey face away.

Now that I'm in my twenties, it seems as if jealousy is there to greet me at every turn. I can't get away. I'm not sure when this started, since I can't remember battling this demon much before, and unfortunately, I have recently come to the revolting realization that this red-eyed monster (see what I did there) might be here to stay. I am ashamed to admit that most of these feelings are of the most surface and superficial kind. And this is the reason I believe they are the most haunting. I consider myself to be a fairly intelligent individual (we all know that my early career in gifted classes was a false ego-pumping to what turned out to be an otherwise average intellectual existence) who enjoys learning about new cultures and cultivating hobbies that better myself and hopefully the lives of others. So why do I care that the girl in the dressing room next to me just asked the sales associate for a size 4? And why am I even paying attention to the cuddly couple sitting on the F train? I'm chalking this one up to just being human. And, you know what, I think that's reason enough.

Deep down, somewhere in the trenches of my envious mind, I find this desire to attain what others have as a positive motivator. If you are never pining after something, what is there to achieve? While your success should never be based on someone else, an accomplishment is an accomplishment and if it took Susie Q's excellent running form at the gym to motivate you to run three miles without stopping, then so be it. The minute I am complacent with my life is the minute things start to go down the drain, and fast. So sure, jealousy and tepid greed can be a positive, but when things become just a little bit out of your control is when the rage sets in.

Lets take the age-old love triangle for instance. This occurs when two people are together and there is a third person involved. Usually, in this case feelings are running haywire and someone is bound to get hurt. Although, most of the time with me, I miss the mark and then come to eventually realize that there was no third point in the relationship after all. It's just jealousy, she has him and you don't, the end, that's all she wrote. At first it's biting and all-consuming, we shall call this stage one of finding out the triangle is actually a straight line. Stage two is grief, the line connects the two of them and you, as the third triangle point, are no where on their geometrical radar. Stage three is where you want to get to, it's a glorious point in time when your friends fervently repeat that she could never compare with your humor, looks, sense of style (well, maybe not in my case), and overall aura. This stage is when you realize there is someone better out there and you'll be damned if you don't make him yours. Then you float back down to reality and face the fourth stage, which of course is just that it was not meant to be. Then you move on, as we all tend to do in life and pity the person you were at stage one. There is no denying that she was an uber bitch.

So relationships and pants sizes aside what else is there to be jealous about? I've never been one to oogle at anothers monetary gains or luxury vacations (the fear of flying knocks that sense of envy right out of me) so what else is there? The answer, as expected, is plenty. The job world for one, brings a whole new sense of coveting. I'm jealous of those that have been hired at a job that is intriguing and engaging and does not consist of sitting at a desk for 40+ hours a week. I'm jealous of those that love to fly. Shockingly, there are people out there that this pertains to. The list goes on... and then I start to hate myself so lets just pump the brakes. Because while I have been droning on about the unfairness of my first world problems, I remember all those billions of people that are envious of the food I grabbed out of my fridge this morning. My mind turns to all those that would kill, literally kill for the cushy life I have here in this free and democratic country. Heck, I'm allowed to write and post this for the simple reasons that I was lucky enough to get an incredible education, and currently am lucky enough to sit in an air conditioned room with more electricity than many small villages. I have never known real struggle, and as sad as it is, sometimes it takes the misfortune of others to allow me to appreciate how much good there is in my own life. When I understand just how privileged I have been and continue to be, stages 1-4 of the triangular love line incident seem to be laughable. Get a grip, Rosenthal, things are really not that bad.

Maybe, I am finally learning to cope with the menial jealousies of this happy and opportune life. Maybe I just need to realize that the worst things that have happened to me since being in my twenties are what others would call necessary experience and growth. Maybe I have been looking at this all wrong... we all want what we can't have and in a sick and sinister way that want is what makes this crazy world go 'round. I think I'm going to call this a breakthrough. No, I know I'm going to call this a breakthrough since it's not often that one sees his or herself grow before their very computer screen. This release from my spiteful rage might just be enough to pull me out of this bitter rut and put me back in a good place.

Jealous?